hey, im back to where I am again, being too comfortable in my own place. I am studying at a university now, everything just seems so stressful and I am trying to catch up as much as possible like what I am doing now. there are just so many things that are in my mind that become so hard for me to keep up, losing balance.
I would try to point things out through this writing:
- I have always in search of getting a kick-starter to my or any assignment that I can do something productively. I have always been a lazy person, but not so extreme, I’m not sure if I could call myself lazy or productive. The thing is I feel productive at some point and then it just fades out. When being productive, it is all about being active on the passion I do.
- So far, I have been trying to get back on track personally to maintain my balance: I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
- I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
- I tried to the cold shower, but I showered at the wrong possible times.
- Heard of “your attitude when you had everything, and your character when you had nothing”? That is my scale shifting from top to bottom for the past these months.
- I could not care less about my social activity within my universities days. Does not mean I did not talk to anyone, I do, but not so much after hitting rock bottom as of now.
- I want to cut out my social action, I REALLY want to focus on developing myself. Eliminating my flatmates was a hard one, but it always goes out of my will of controlling them staying over at my place to enjoy their desire to have fun.
- I have been guilt-tripping for the past months. I kinda had to seek a friend sometimes to get me back up and start working. This includes my valuable instructor and my supervisor time. I like how some of them care so much about their students, they genuinely do. It is not about favourites, to be honest, I am not as smart as you think in studying but i still strive to do the best of my abilities to prove how much i can reach my limits. During this past 6 months, We as a class grew closer, so it is no biggie if you would expect a like and hate relationship. Bottom line, I genuinely respect my tutors, they really do try to get me back on track, as for me guilt tripping for myself does not help me succeed.
- What i like about authentic feeling is that you can feel connected. Like i can express myself a lot better when the words and the emotions i say match together to create that sort of feeling . it became an honest feeling to express, which could be good or bad depending on the situation.
- honestly, there has been so much problem happening in london, i could not even care less about one bit. if i had the time, i would, but looking at my situation, all i can focus is at my studies.
PROCRASTINATION is my worst frenemy I swear…
The sense of guilt pleasure overflow within me. whenever i think of work, it tires me out and so i ended up on my babe laptop and stream online videos for the rest of the days.
situationally, i was suppose to give in a bit of work weekly to build up my desertation. i even set fake deadlines to keep me working, but that did not last very long.
I am stuck in a dilemma in between staying happy to myself or work hard for my grades.
the choices may seem obvious, at the end of the day it is my choice, my will.
i hope after writing this much, i could guess i could write a few essays to keep me up for a while since the most deadlines(real deadlines) are lining up preparing to fire their guns at me if i do not finish it. i just feel like i should not waste opportunity to be a graduate from a university like i have always dream to.
p.s my sleeping pattern is a wrecking boat. I have been woking on it too!
I want to let it out. any feedback would be appreciated !