Mid 2017

Dear self,

So far your 2017 was filled up with months of education in a forgein country. It was hard, tough, rough journey. But it was worth the time dont you think?

Travelling allows me to open my mind to different cultures and ideas. It was fun while it last. The moment I spent is the moment i chose to spend.

Being traveller is not all comfy, there was hardships to be considered. budget was the one thing i thought about thinking “is this enough? can make it through the day?” haha

The people i met, thanks for being a part of me during the days. Im thankful to have enjoy the whole thing.

 even after university finished, i still crave, dig, and pick on knowledge.

university had blessed me with how i could approach to a cause, or just random events really haha. at first, i had always thought how useless studying is until i realise i enjoyed the result of finished assignments. not to say i enjoyed being stress, quite the forced critical thinking really haha, but I guess that was the only way to unleash the potential within me to brainstorm my ideas onto a piece of paper and ready to be marked.

i would not say i was smart, nor dumb. I was average I believe or wish to believe.

been resting for a few months already, and i am still jobless, i guess i could not care much for now. been chatting and keeping up here and there to getting back my social and inner balance.

if job was my priority, i would have done it anyways haha, but i guess some people have different aims in their lives.

knowing my friends is equivalent to knowing myself. The people i met is the product of who i am.

“you become the person who you hang out with”

This goes with a mindset, example, you can become the next millionaire the moment you meet with 5 millionaires mindest in the group. this allows me to choose my group wisely 😉

after uni, i have been interested in reading people psychologically, hence that’s why meeting people has been always interesting to me. not the fact that i wanted to study psychology at uni, i am generally interested with the philosophy behind it, the reasons and why.

browsing around youtube, i have come across interesting lectures, especially by Dr.Jordan Peterson, i am blessed to have been watching quite a lot of his videos because it IS interesting to me, and how it relates to life.

quick notes

the purpose of this post was for me to update on the notes i took during the lecture videos i watched and how i come to understand or view it within my intellectual perceptions. i believe this allows me to become a better person in the future

Self-respect: tell the truth or at least don’t lie. – very simple yet not every people can manage it well as to why i note this point

why some people are quiet? they either can not talk or not know what to say.

Be afraid, but be afraid of the right thing to do. and the right thing of what you say is not saying what you say not being.

conscious and unconscious thoughts

conscious but not knowing, trying to figure out who we are; finding a path in life.

the idea of the unconscious mind; conceptions, perceptions and thoughts..shape by unconscious motivation.

a loose collection of subpersonalities each with its own set of motivation

pinnochio theory:

the pinnochio theory, Pinocchio tries to go away from his father to learn something new. too long outside the world cause him to go into a catastrophe situation, Gepetto tries to look for pinocchio and get sucked in a whale(the problem ,after goal) pinnochio becomes clueless and lost in thought, wanted to go back to his father in order to replenish his default state when he was with his father(being safe).

overall, dependency should be balanced, staying too long in a parents house is like a bread staying in shelves for too long(becomes dead,moulded), too long being outside.

aim and purpose:

get what i want by TRY-ing sometimes.
if i want something I can have it.

question: what you want? find your life…sacrificial idea –  ASK. be serious with it. –
what am I aiming at?

what stupid things am i doing daily basis? allows deciding what you want to know.

2 things: conscious,

conscious, self-consult. best possible outcome for you, be failure or success? responsibility for myself/yourself

learning

listen and watch, not talk and listen and write . your brain cannot process 2 at the same time. exchange experience step upu the brain process. be oriented properly. write after listening allows brain to recall information effectively.

presenting the point of view, achieve or listen and understand their frame of reference – understand his thoughts and feeling so well that you could summarize it for him.

understanding parents with given culture , tradition and beliefs system

society is deeply rooted in biology and culture for million years, ain’t easy to brush.

we are not suppose to ignore their thinking. we could do this by reviviying instead that could give the best possible outcome to both traditional and modern thinkers.

overall, i learn quite the golden nugget from free lecture provided by the kind sir. until this day i am still interested in the lecture he provide, allows me to dig more of positive information that i could take within myself and implemented in the real world, allows myself to think more, especially trying to have a good conversation and vibes.

stay hungry.

iqra

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reflect: write,consistence, discipline

In all honesty, I have never been consistent with my work or progress i do.

why?

In positive terms, i can say “i did not find my passion yet.” Passion is about liking something you do. Simply, if you like and love what you do, you will do more great things that can be reached even though it is beyond your imagination. Passion is step 1. when you find passion, you find everything in life worth living.

In lazy terms, I would say “I am bored , distracted, or just getting lost quick in general “. I am telling you by experience, me as human do get lost most of the time. I can keep on blaming i am not perfect, or keep on envy other people with what they have, but that is not me.

the reality is i am always going to lose my way. i will always, always do. why? i am just a normal human bro, heard the quote “no

“no ones perfect?”

for normal people like me, i would have agreed to that saying, but for perfectionist its not.

everyone definitely has weakness, even the perfect machine, tools, plants or anything really, has a weakness. that is why i have come to believe that “no one is perfect.” everyone has different believe, i respect that, this is just out of my own preference

Not that i am a total pessimist, but knowing the balance on what you can or can not do is important to acknowledge your own ability to cope with the changes of the world.

right now, i am self reflecting why i do like this or do not like that. everyone is different, it is absolutely your own choice to like and dislike. i have known that we have been scammed by the school system since highschool or not, into thinking that grades is important. but honestly that is not true. to be fair, grades is some personal label for people to identify you. if someone has a strong passion for something they like, they should not be really dissapointed if they get bad grades or whatever really, as long they have VISION to back up their passion.

what i am pointing myself :

  • i need to do my dissertation as soon as possible, and be able to organise my life back on track again.
  • i got 4 deadlines up ahead early july.
  • less hanging out.
  • chill when needed, not to kill time
  • using time efficiently on every action it takes, uni focused.
  • time is value.

do what i think is right, and that decides the path i chose to go into, a story i want to appear or happen, journey that i alone experience.

 

cheers!

iqra

 

 

 

Re:hack my mind set

hey, im back to where I am again, being too comfortable in my own place. I am studying at a university now, everything just seems so stressful and I am trying to catch up as much as possible like what I am doing now. there are just so many things that are in my mind that become so hard for me to keep up, losing balance.

I would try to point things out through this writing:

  • I have always in search of getting a kick-starter to my or any assignment that I can do something productively. I have always been a lazy person, but not so extreme, I’m not sure if I could call myself lazy or productive. The thing is I feel productive at some point and then it just fades out. When being productive, it is all about being active on the passion I do.
  • So far, I have been trying to get back on track personally to maintain my balance: I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
  • I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
  • I tried to the cold shower, but I showered at the wrong possible times.
  • Heard of “your attitude when you had everything, and your character when you had nothing”? That is my scale shifting from top to bottom for the past these months.
  • I could not care less about my social activity within my universities days. Does not mean I did not talk to anyone, I do, but not so much after hitting rock bottom as of now.
  • I want to cut out my social action, I REALLY want to focus on developing myself. Eliminating my flatmates was a hard one, but it always goes out of my will of controlling them staying over at my place to enjoy their desire to have fun.
  • I have been guilt-tripping for the past months. I kinda had to seek a friend sometimes to get me back up and start working. This includes my valuable instructor and my supervisor time. I like how some of them care so much about their students, they genuinely do. It is not about favourites, to be honest, I am not as smart as you think in studying but i still strive to do the best of my abilities to prove how much i can reach my limits. During this past 6 months, We as a class grew closer, so it is no biggie if you would expect a like and hate relationship. Bottom line, I genuinely respect my tutors, they really do try to get me back on track, as for me guilt tripping for myself does not help me succeed.
  • What i like about authentic feeling is that you can feel connected. Like i can express myself a lot better when the words and the emotions i say match together to create that sort of feeling . it became an honest feeling to express, which could be good or bad depending on the situation.
  • honestly, there has been so much problem happening in london, i could not even care less about one bit. if i had the time, i would, but looking at my situation, all i can focus is at my studies.

PROCRASTINATION is my worst frenemy I swear…

The sense of guilt pleasure overflow within me. whenever i think of work, it tires me out and so i ended up on my babe laptop and stream online videos for the rest of the days.

situationally, i was suppose to give in a bit of work weekly to build up my desertation. i even set fake deadlines to keep me working, but that did not last very long.

I am stuck in a dilemma in between staying happy to myself or work hard for my grades.

the choices may seem obvious, at the end of the day it is my choice, my will.

i hope after writing this much, i could guess i could write a few essays to keep me up for a while since the most deadlines(real deadlines) are lining up preparing to fire their guns at me if i do not finish it. i just feel like i should not waste opportunity to be a graduate from a university like i have always dream to.

p.s my sleeping pattern is a wrecking boat. I have been woking on it too!

I want to let it out. any feedback would be appreciated !

Cheers !

Warm is Relaxing,Calming,Peace

OK, so this word caught me off guard, as soon as i saw the word lukewarm, it refers to a certain temperature of warmness in water.

Water lukewarm is one of the emotional feeling some people have bond with throughout face wash or long showers(it sure does for me!!)

i may go deep into this, because the amount of long deep shower i had within lukewarm condition is emotionally connected.

 

It makes you think.

It makes you realize.

it questions you.

Every water particle that is running through all your body parts, its communicating.

They are telling you something, sometimes at some point.

Lukewarm, like how your emotion needs some warmth after stress or overthinking, you need it.

Just like how I am listening to calm music to calm my mind,soul and body.

listen to one of the best musician, i could not express how calming i am while trying to overthinking something for the next day, class, lectures.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Lukewarm

NEW PAGE,NEW PLACE, NEW PEOPLE

Hey guys, how are you all doing?

I am in a bit of roller coaster situation haha.

It was pretty exciting coming to LONDON,UK ! so far i liked the place !

But then, I struggle one thing, making friends, like authentic people. I met some people at my flat, became flat mate and they showed me around for the first few weeks most of the time, but i after i did something wrong, I think I kinda felt left out, but nothing to be hurt really, I am old and the people i am with were younger than me so they had the energy to have MOOORE fun haha *party!*.

Anyways, interesting first few weeks, I came to LONDON day one, arrive at my university hall. First thing first i knock my nearest neighbor, i was sooo awkward that i asked her to help me out with the wi-fi connection. i can expect the worst but i kept it cool and my response were:

“okay, no problem” haha.

Anyways, I was sorting out my stuff and i heard a knock on my door…

and I am thinking “who might that be??”

I was actually surprised, so i opened the door then she greeted me her warm welcome, I never felt happier than before, because i never lived in a flat or have someone approach me?(creepy? yeah i know wateva haha its only awkward if i made it awkward but it has that welcomed feeling so i liked it).

Anyways, most people had UNI days still going and then there is me who just moved in. I got stuck with some wi-fi problem..like I don’t know how to connect to one(like f*** me..I am an IT student anyway and doesn’t know how  to figure out haha). I was looking for options…so i went to the last door…

*knock knock*

//pewdiepie// appeared haha, my first impression I get from meeting this guy! like for real. He helped me around with most of the things, so i could guess were good mates(friends in english culture). From there, I just kept on seeing new people around 5 or 9 people for my first day!!! never made this much people in a day so i felt so GOOD!

Funny thing, one of the people i met suggested we should go to a karate class, very random really haha. We actually went, because it’s not like we had anything to do either and if everyone wants to do it..why not? haha. the activities is followed by poker night(i know nothing tbh , just watched the entire game, interesting…)

the night ended quicker when I had fun. oh boy.

I was still weird at start, but as days go by and when i know these people, i felt a little comfortable.

“it’s not about how many people you know, it’s about how deep you know them to actually feel connected and engaged.”

Days go by, my first week was a bit hyped with birthday party, then party..then party again. some times its followed by mini game of poker nights too, cuz its fun cracking people face when they bet with bullshit cards on their hands haha.

HOLD UP reader, don’t you DARE say all I have been doing is PARTYING..haha.

Of course I went to  university to study my course, i got transferred here for a reason!

I am studying at Middlesex university, I am doing my third year now on Business IT (short version of information technology and business information system degree…too yeah? that’s why I kept it short)

I met my classmates, it’s a small group really, since i came upfront from an institution partnership with Middlesex university and others had it differently, some did their HND(higher national diploma), some did college and wished to do 3rd year for a particular course…it varies depending on their target 🙂

Stressing out on the courses I am doing currently, it consist of COURSEWORK!!! it’s not that I hate it, i liked the subject. It’s very interesting to me, yet coming to a point i have to do lots of reading and research and actually doing real RESEARCH by approaching people and asking what is their problem with technology and all of that sort of stuff really.

At the same time, I believe i could handle it, I am struggling with my ups and down(roller coaster as i mention at start). I am new to the culture, heck i even got cultured shock at the store when i accidentally cut the line and the women yelled at me:

“excuse me, its my turn!!”

Then there is me thinking:

“wtf..the cashier was open and free..why the f*** didn’t you move(im such an opportunist)?”

oh lawrdd hahaha, I mean i did some background check on what i am supposed to be aware of the culture before hand, i just didn’t expect to happen to me.

in conclusion , my target NOW:

  1. Having a balance life between study and social life.
  2. I need to read more related books for my course to be easier.
  3. I literally NEED to start READING & notes anyways haha.
  4. I need to take it seriously, it’s a one shot game in my life.
  5. I took the opportunity to get into a university, and now its up to me how am i going to play my life.
  6. I will regret if f*** around too much and not getting a degree at the end, REGRETS on parents is the worse feeling ever.
  7. I am training and learning slowly on my confidence, will power, social talks and having positive minds at all times.

Those are my main goals in my head(like right NOW..) always think in the present moment. Overthinking will just overthink stuff..not good. Do not even assume, because you cannot predict the future, so think NOW then see what is going to happen and that would be the result of it.

This is as far as i could tell with whats going on with me now. I will try to blog few times a month depending on my schedule. I got sick recently, had to rest anyway.

Have a good day beautiful people! never stop learning!

Cheers!

Iqra winhastania

 

 

 

The Other Side Of me.

Hey guys,

Facts about me:

This may seems like a turn off to some people. I am an Otaku(partly hahahaha)

See how stupid i just wrote up there, I can weird some times, everyone has their side.

Some people wish to share it, some do not.

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It is up to their Choice , who am i to judge? who are we to judge?

You can critic others, but  in a way to make them feel better on what to improve on their selves – not hurting them.

This world is small i should say.

Some people pray for what they wished for, and it will come to you soon when you do deserve them.

Some people gain happiness through other people.

Smile.

Some people gain Confidence connecting people, to remove fear of public awareness.

Social.

Some of us are insecure to what other people think, you can be alone.

Internet world.

— I am not saying the internet is bad.  It has its ups and downs, with regards to social and self-esteem —

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It is 2016.

We are living in a changing world, nothing is the same as the past.

I want to remind myself that i need I need to be open to, opportunities, fun , socialize , quality time, and self time.

Be with who you want to be.

your self? friends? family?

Some times when you are Alone, But some one out there will reach out to you sooner or later, you just have to be open to the little things some times, to nature, people, environments.

Believe you can be better person.

Be humble- No.1 things happy people have in common.

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How i see the way things are, I think if we can cooperate more, I believe i can tell myself that I had lived a great life, no regrets.

What is the point of regrets? to feel pain? to put yourself low?– Don’t be so.

If I could tell myself early, regrets are just temporary, in order to overcome it, use its power to make something greater out of it.

Being pressured is what makes we think better as a human beings. Results can be good or lesson learned.

example: I regret not doing this..or that..should have..bla bla bla

In that moment of thinking, clear your head. give yourself 3-seconds. BOOM.

Some times…you just have to do it.

Get out of comfort zone, Congrats! you just leveled up!

Enjoy life to the fullest, Let me be your partner if you want me to hear you out!

Iqra winhastania