Re:hack my mind set

hey, im back to where I am again, being too comfortable in my own place. I am studying at a university now, everything just seems so stressful and I am trying to catch up as much as possible like what I am doing now. there are just so many things that are in my mind that become so hard for me to keep up, losing balance.

I would try to point things out through this writing:

  • I have always in search of getting a kick-starter to my or any assignment that I can do something productively. I have always been a lazy person, but not so extreme, I’m not sure if I could call myself lazy or productive. The thing is I feel productive at some point and then it just fades out. When being productive, it is all about being active on the passion I do.
  • So far, I have been trying to get back on track personally to maintain my balance: I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
  • I have been listening to audio books while walking my journey to university.
  • I tried to the cold shower, but I showered at the wrong possible times.
  • Heard of “your attitude when you had everything, and your character when you had nothing”? That is my scale shifting from top to bottom for the past these months.
  • I could not care less about my social activity within my universities days. Does not mean I did not talk to anyone, I do, but not so much after hitting rock bottom as of now.
  • I want to cut out my social action, I REALLY want to focus on developing myself. Eliminating my flatmates was a hard one, but it always goes out of my will of controlling them staying over at my place to enjoy their desire to have fun.
  • I have been guilt-tripping for the past months. I kinda had to seek a friend sometimes to get me back up and start working. This includes my valuable instructor and my supervisor time. I like how some of them care so much about their students, they genuinely do. It is not about favourites, to be honest, I am not as smart as you think in studying but i still strive to do the best of my abilities to prove how much i can reach my limits. During this past 6 months, We as a class grew closer, so it is no biggie if you would expect a like and hate relationship. Bottom line, I genuinely respect my tutors, they really do try to get me back on track, as for me guilt tripping for myself does not help me succeed.
  • What i like about authentic feeling is that you can feel connected. Like i can express myself a lot better when the words and the emotions i say match together to create that sort of feeling . it became an honest feeling to express, which could be good or bad depending on the situation.
  • honestly, there has been so much problem happening in london, i could not even care less about one bit. if i had the time, i would, but looking at my situation, all i can focus is at my studies.

PROCRASTINATION is my worst frenemy I swear…

The sense of guilt pleasure overflow within me. whenever i think of work, it tires me out and so i ended up on my babe laptop and stream online videos for the rest of the days.

situationally, i was suppose to give in a bit of work weekly to build up my desertation. i even set fake deadlines to keep me working, but that did not last very long.

I am stuck in a dilemma in between staying happy to myself or work hard for my grades.

the choices may seem obvious, at the end of the day it is my choice, my will.

i hope after writing this much, i could guess i could write a few essays to keep me up for a while since the most deadlines(real deadlines) are lining up preparing to fire their guns at me if i do not finish it. i just feel like i should not waste opportunity to be a graduate from a university like i have always dream to.

p.s my sleeping pattern is a wrecking boat. I have been woking on it too!

I want to let it out. any feedback would be appreciated !

Cheers !

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Published by

iqrawinhastania

just a guy blogging his life(document). To share some of my values if they mean something to the reader. To understand that life is something to be appreciated and enjoy it to the max, it can be short, so make it worth the shots(action) you do! Born Indonesian | Raised in Qatar | studying in London Cheers!

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