Start and Ends, Panic

Panic  is one of human characteristic that is developed through fear and bad past experience in my view.

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I had many panic attack, in different situation, but it was mostly personal experience.

I wanna share my stories and tell you guys what I learned from this, hopefully it can be any use to who ever reading it and understand how I live my life in panicked situation.

 

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first time accident, I was a kid and I hurt my sister, I panicked. i was a kid, i know nothing but i panicked because my sister was hurt and im pretty sure i cant express through my face but my mind is going round and around thinking whats happening? I think i did something wrong? what happened to my sister?...I don’t quite recall my past so well but she got a scar on her chin, im very sorry sister 😦

lesson: I was a kid, I know nothing, it’s not like I can talk perfectly that time but the memory is too clear for me to erase it.

first time swimming, I panicked for my life, am i going to survive? how to swim this shit? why can’t i swim? emotional build up of being scared to swim but I swam after several tries. yay!

back-to-school

first time school problem, had a gang fight (yea I was some badass kid haha jokes), but I was just watching my friends do the fight. Got called off to principal,i panicked for the trouble i didn’t even do, at least support my friends(oh why I didn’t have the balls to tell them i didn’t do a thing..lesson learned) FML, I thought my school life is over, thinking too much that time, i thought they going to call my parents..i MEGA panicked because im pretty sure my parents would not like the story. Anyways it was all sort it out in school, with a detention of course…heh.

lesson: you can panic as much as you want, but always know that you are not wronged and try to speak up because you’re not at fault for it to happen.

first time bullying (im sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear), he was saying words to me that time, I was still  kid during this time( as I try to sort out my panicked situation chronologically) , I was mad, went out of control, but when i saw he cried…my heart-felt sorry because this is not the type of person I am, im very sorry my dear friend(I emotionally learned to become a better person).

lesson: for this one, especially for little kids who reads this(do they read this? I don’t know? but if they do well hear me out), don’t get too emotional, it may turn out to be the worst thing you have ever done and you might regret loosing them, just be sorry at the end and apologize sincerely, listen to your heart and mind.

I just got my first toy from what my dad bought me, then I broke it accidentally. it was a plane i broke the antenna to control the plane that time. i locked up myself in the room wishing my father will not reach me, i cried so much that i wish i didn’t do such a thing, at that time, life was hard, hard earnings from my father, I can still remember how he was mad and may have thought “how ungrateful this child is..”. I locked my self for a while until he can calm down, he did eventually but with a disappointment in his face because i can feel it.(anyways he tried to fix my toy)

lesson: oh I wish I can undo the past, i wish i could say i accidentally broke it, i did not mean it father, i was cry baby that time. it’s either face it or run away.

another gang fight during my childhood years because of people tryna act though(oh I wish we can solve this in a civilized way…but kids is still a kid at that time). I rush to help out my fiend because i was one of the tough guys back then, the shield, the guardian. the moment they strike back, I panicked that i don’t want any of my friends to hurt. we solved it with some adults around, what a day..

lesson: for this one, I do not regret for the first time..but if it happens alot..oh boy im done with things. its ok to help your buddies out, but if you don’t want trouble just stay out of it if possible.

I had my driving license, I made a few crash accidents, i panicked as hell to think of what my father would say to me. guess whats my first crash was? the parking pole? haha funny ye? I even tried to hide the facts from my parents that i crashed the pole because my panicked mind cant talked the truth, but eventually they found out..well it was kinda obvious in a way.

lesson: back then I was such a run away kid. I wish i can be upfront to any problems I had and tell it to them. whats the worst thing that could happen? honesty was all it need(I know it can be hard some times)

I got my highschool result, I got some bad grades, i panicked to tell them to my parents and of course i kept them for weeks until they found out..it was not nice, i wish i could had said it to them earlier i got bad grades than to expect something more. it really sucks when you don’t understand how your mind works.

lesson: just say it, cause no matter how long you kept it for..they will soon find out. parents are good detective , don’t mess.

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more or less I have lived panic situation a lot. those stories were not the end.. I wanna tell them but maybe you guys might get bored. to summarize it, i still do get a couple of car accidents and of course at start i was scared and panic of what should i do, and like the world motto says “face it or run away” nothing can be undone because things happen for a reason(tire puncture happens most of the time..GOSH!).

panic in general to me is my gateway to understand problem,if it happens you either face it or run away, of course from now(I don’t mean now..but I did before) i face my problem so its clear and understandable. From today and on, you can become a better person from learning your panicked situation just like I am. I both understand logically and emotionally how to handle panicked situation.

such as:

when the police ask for license and registration, normally people my age may or may not get panicked, but since I know they just want THAT thing I think to myself..

“what to be panicked about..”

“face it or run away”, no other way round. but I strongly say to you people to always FACE the situation, it will feel so much better than to think of regrets and things you would have done(which you could have done earlier)

write to you soon,

iqra

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Personality: silence

There was always a time where you got to be silence. It can be anything ranging from that situation to something situation(lol?).

 

my examples:

  • silence when you know some truth
  • silence when someone passed away( of course being sad, does not mean you have to cry, some people out there have deep emotion inside they tend to keep it in )
  • silence when your angry at someone(ooh the silent treatment hurts you know…*ignored*)
  • silence when you want to listen to someone speaking(speeches)

and many more really etc. I could go all the way on how we use silence in daily life

 

I have so many silence situation, and im pretty sure they may sound embarrassing to share but i would just say it this time, as a way to express my thoughts to the world, free of mind and clarity.(i just don’t like to keep things in my head..)

In the early days, I was such a shy kid that i don’t even want to engage in social activities, i try to talk but i always thought things might go wrong after what i say, that is when my silence to the mind.

Even when I made a problem, i was so scared and i stayed silence for the rest of the day not to talk about what i did. In the end when someone found out , I thought there was no point in keeping silence.

oh I don’t mean silence is all bad, i am pretty sure everyone agrees with that

There are times when silence is required, such as keeping secrets .I am pretty sure you do not want your secrets to be exposed then boom everyone knows what you do..(i will be at room regretting all day if i had a friend that does it, and probably cut him off from my trust circles).

Moreover, understand you might talked too much that you thinks you should stay silence for a moment and let my partner/friends chance to talk. In dating game you need to be talkative(of course you need too) to approach, because there is no excitement if you just stay silence. i do not think there is any person who likes to stay silence all the time because i am pretty sure we all do need to say something to someone.

you know what they say:

“some people talk big and work less, quite people build success over time”

I heard it somewhere but i am not sure of the right words(forgive me people >.<)

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I actually agree with that quote, i tend to stay quite and silence all the time because i feel i am working on something that i should not talk until i get there(just the type of person i am tbh).

the right concept of silence in this quote in business term, is that you need to keep it low profile because in the end you do not want to talk about this project or BIG business plan to anyone which in the end if it does not work out and probably expect some boos in the way or punching words from the crowd.

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Overall, silence is great in how people use it. it is socially accepted to anyone who wants to asocial for personal or cultural reason, you can also keep silent if you did something wrong but in the end it someone can find out (the quote saying “you can either face it or run away from it”). Some times you may get carried away and talk bullshit, which is why by past experience some people prefer silence. its up to you how you want to use silent, it can be good and a bad thing, it’s all up to the choice we take.

cya boys and girls, iqra

via Silence

ABOUT ME.

Hey, my full name is: Iqra sakti winhastania, too long right?

So instead, call me Iqra.

I am from Indonesia, not living in Jakarta though, but I live in Sumatra island in a town called Medan. Most of my lifetime is 20% in my own country, why? Because I mostly live in the Middle east country, called Qatar(“Im pretty sure you heard of it, else google it…duh“).

medan-map

Medan, mostly known for its Lake Toba (pics below):

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and below is Qatar:

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Why I live there? because my father is working there, so I have been civilized in an Arab country for 16 yrs(counting from 2016), settled there at the year 2000. Oh, I was born in October 1 1995.

interesting right?

If you wonder if I do go back to my country, of course I do once a while during summer holidays for 2 months(yep,that is how long we always get for summer vacation ). So instead, I feel more like a tourist every time i visit my country at start but not anymore since I am old enough to know my place now he he.

This is my first time writing this kind of thing called “blogging” or “documenting“,so I figured I wanted to see my progress so I went “uh huh!” then created this site.

Now of course, this thing was not easy for me for a person who is too lazy to do something, but  I wanted to change my way of life to become more active and dynamic in a way I could get busy all day. When i mean lazy, means i always wondered what to do?” ” should i do it?” “is it worth it?” etc. basically the questions in your head that would hold you back.

So now, as super slow person in progress, RIGHT HERE and NOW, I am trying to make a change in the way i live and anyone who visit my site will be the witness of a change person i am in a healthy, careful, active and mindful person in the future.

that is it for my intro, and i hope ill be writing more soon(of course i should for my mind therapy sake!).

i hope you all  good day, safe and care for your health(because every person should be grateful in my opinion and happy for what they have).

see you soon,

Iqra