Start and Ends, Panic

Panic  is one of human characteristic that is developed through fear and bad past experience in my view.


I had many panic attack, in different situation, but it was mostly personal experience.

I wanna share my stories and tell you guys what I learned from this, hopefully it can be any use to who ever reading it and understand how I live my life in panicked situation.




first time accident, I was a kid and I hurt my sister, I panicked. i was a kid, i know nothing but i panicked because my sister was hurt and im pretty sure i cant express through my face but my mind is going round and around thinking whats happening? I think i did something wrong? what happened to my sister?...I don’t quite recall my past so well but she got a scar on her chin, im very sorry sister 😦

lesson: I was a kid, I know nothing, it’s not like I can talk perfectly that time but the memory is too clear for me to erase it.

first time swimming, I panicked for my life, am i going to survive? how to swim this shit? why can’t i swim? emotional build up of being scared to swim but I swam after several tries. yay!


first time school problem, had a gang fight (yea I was some badass kid haha jokes), but I was just watching my friends do the fight. Got called off to principal,i panicked for the trouble i didn’t even do, at least support my friends(oh why I didn’t have the balls to tell them i didn’t do a thing..lesson learned) FML, I thought my school life is over, thinking too much that time, i thought they going to call my parents..i MEGA panicked because im pretty sure my parents would not like the story. Anyways it was all sort it out in school, with a detention of course…heh.

lesson: you can panic as much as you want, but always know that you are not wronged and try to speak up because you’re not at fault for it to happen.

first time bullying (im sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear), he was saying words to me that time, I was still  kid during this time( as I try to sort out my panicked situation chronologically) , I was mad, went out of control, but when i saw he cried…my heart-felt sorry because this is not the type of person I am, im very sorry my dear friend(I emotionally learned to become a better person).

lesson: for this one, especially for little kids who reads this(do they read this? I don’t know? but if they do well hear me out), don’t get too emotional, it may turn out to be the worst thing you have ever done and you might regret loosing them, just be sorry at the end and apologize sincerely, listen to your heart and mind.

I just got my first toy from what my dad bought me, then I broke it accidentally. it was a plane i broke the antenna to control the plane that time. i locked up myself in the room wishing my father will not reach me, i cried so much that i wish i didn’t do such a thing, at that time, life was hard, hard earnings from my father, I can still remember how he was mad and may have thought “how ungrateful this child is..”. I locked my self for a while until he can calm down, he did eventually but with a disappointment in his face because i can feel it.(anyways he tried to fix my toy)

lesson: oh I wish I can undo the past, i wish i could say i accidentally broke it, i did not mean it father, i was cry baby that time. it’s either face it or run away.

another gang fight during my childhood years because of people tryna act though(oh I wish we can solve this in a civilized way…but kids is still a kid at that time). I rush to help out my fiend because i was one of the tough guys back then, the shield, the guardian. the moment they strike back, I panicked that i don’t want any of my friends to hurt. we solved it with some adults around, what a day..

lesson: for this one, I do not regret for the first time..but if it happens alot..oh boy im done with things. its ok to help your buddies out, but if you don’t want trouble just stay out of it if possible.

I had my driving license, I made a few crash accidents, i panicked as hell to think of what my father would say to me. guess whats my first crash was? the parking pole? haha funny ye? I even tried to hide the facts from my parents that i crashed the pole because my panicked mind cant talked the truth, but eventually they found out..well it was kinda obvious in a way.

lesson: back then I was such a run away kid. I wish i can be upfront to any problems I had and tell it to them. whats the worst thing that could happen? honesty was all it need(I know it can be hard some times)

I got my highschool result, I got some bad grades, i panicked to tell them to my parents and of course i kept them for weeks until they found was not nice, i wish i could had said it to them earlier i got bad grades than to expect something more. it really sucks when you don’t understand how your mind works.

lesson: just say it, cause no matter how long you kept it for..they will soon find out. parents are good detective , don’t mess.


more or less I have lived panic situation a lot. those stories were not the end.. I wanna tell them but maybe you guys might get bored. to summarize it, i still do get a couple of car accidents and of course at start i was scared and panic of what should i do, and like the world motto says “face it or run away” nothing can be undone because things happen for a reason(tire puncture happens most of the time..GOSH!).

panic in general to me is my gateway to understand problem,if it happens you either face it or run away, of course from now(I don’t mean now..but I did before) i face my problem so its clear and understandable. From today and on, you can become a better person from learning your panicked situation just like I am. I both understand logically and emotionally how to handle panicked situation.

such as:

when the police ask for license and registration, normally people my age may or may not get panicked, but since I know they just want THAT thing I think to myself..

“what to be panicked about..”

“face it or run away”, no other way round. but I strongly say to you people to always FACE the situation, it will feel so much better than to think of regrets and things you would have done(which you could have done earlier)

write to you soon,



Published by


just a guy blogging his life(document). To share some of my values if they mean something to the reader. To understand that life is something to be appreciated and enjoy it to the max, it can be short, so make it worth the shots(action) you do! Born Indonesian | Raised in Qatar | studied in London Cheers!

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